So I decided to file for divorce. Only to realise that in Switzerland the first step is that of a legal separation, a two-year period before one can actually divorce (I guess this was introduced as a possible “reconciliation” period). I found a lawyer, who would guide me through this procedure. I was emotionally still quite fragile and his rational questions regarding my husband were sometimes met with (a disproportionately) teary reaction.
Despite the official procedure now in motion, the strong feelings – a mixture of sadness and anger above all – persisted. While talking to my friends helped, I soon realised I needed some professional assistance or else my head could explode from all this constant self-questioning.
At that time, I was quite wary of talking to a professional, but the weekly sessions with my psychologist, recommended by a friend, soon became indispensable. She helped me to see things from a different perspective, to understand myself better, to sort the immense flow of thoughts in my head, and to at least acknowledge, if not understand, my husband’s actions and reactions.
Despite this, that hour or so spent in the courtroom, where things were to be decided, was stressful as hell. I survived, of course, but some statements uttered there were difficult to swallow…
Things did get easier, eventually, as they always do. That said, sometimes even a tiny thing could still throw me out of balance, such as a song, a memory, a question… I was still not completely ok, but getting there, slowly and surely… Departing from square zero, learning new things about myself, changing routines, undertaking new hobbies… “What next?” was the leitmotif.
The official divorce procedure followed a few years later. It was less emotional than the first courtroom encounter but still not easy. No longer husband and wife. The end.
Not really – I soon realised that if there is a child involved, a relationship can never really come to an end. When the marriage is over, a new (and constant) challenge begins – how to successfully co-parent?